Zombi 1

Zombi 1 (1995)

via The Nether Horror Collection (1996)


Director: Richard Raaphorst
Beer: don't remember [SCU says Fireman's 4]
Game: Left4Dead 1: No Mercy (with L4D2 monster upgrade)

Summary: There's a professor giving a lecture about the real possibility of zombification to a rudely chatty college classroom. MEANWHILE!, his niece brings her friends to the family mansion for some good, old-fashioned teenage frolicking. BUT THEN!, zombies. And then it's over abruptly.

Fun Fact!: Richard Raaphorst was the director for Worst Case Scenario, the best unmade Nazi zombie movie ever. Despite how epic the concept and awesome the aesthetic, he couldn't get it funded. Clearly, the people do not care about neither art, nor Nazi zombie films.
Also, just like Andreas Schnaas did by releasing his Zombie '90: Extreme Pestilence (1991) as Zombie 7, Richard Raaphorst cleverly named his short, black and white film Zombi 1 (1995), so that sixteen years later, nerds like me would have to hunt it down to feel complete about watching all the variations on the Zombie series. Point: Raaphorst.

Lessons Learned:
1. Don't be a woman.
2. Don't do drugs.
3. Don't take your clothes off.
4. Don't be the niece of an evil professor.
5. If you're just going to kill yourself after explaining that the portal to Hell is closed by sacrificing human blood, then why don't you just kill yourself on the portal of Hell and kill two birds with one stone? Those two birds being yourself and the portal of Hell.

Affect on Gameplay: Just like in the movie, no one survived, so, in that sense, there was excellent fidelity between the movie and the gameplay.
...
We have not survived a campaign since starting this blog.

Final Analysis: SCU got punched off the roof again and BigSleep666 was mere feet away from the helicopter and being whisked off to safety before being pounced on by a jockey who rode him into the waiting fists of the undead.

Shock Waves

Shock Waves (1977)


Director: Ken Wiederhorn
Beer: Full Sail Pale Ale
Game: Left4Dead 2: Dark Carnival

Summary: No good comes from boats. Some vacationers ride on John Carradine's chartered boat out in the ocean, where the sky turns red, there is an electrical fire disabling the boat, and Nazi zombies are awakened from the ocean's depths. Our group of chum make their way onto Peter Cushing's island in a dinghy, where they are taken out one-by-one by the Nazi zombies, except for the pretty one, played by Brooke Adams. She survives, but is driven insane.
Also, this movie had very creepy cinematography, particularly the returning imagery of the group of Nazi zombies silently ascending and descending into the water. So, good and scary and PG!

Fun Fact!: This movie is rated PG! No tatas and no gore! Family fun! Bring the kids!

Lessons Learned:
1. Nazis were stylish. That's no justification for the Holocaust, but they were sharp dressers. These Nazi zombies wore goggles, which was even more stylish.
2. When a goggled Nazi zombie comes at you, remove his goggles!
3. During the shooting of Shock Waves, John Carradine would sometimes recite Shakespeare and tell tales of old Hollywood, which would quickly wear on the patience of any gaffer.

Affect on Gameplay: Unfortunately, the zombies in Left4Dead are not goggled Nazi zombies. There were no goggles to remove. Only a lot of pain, suffering, and futility. There were some exciting moments during gameplay of "Yes!", but they were quickly followed by "No!"

Final Analysis: No one survived.

Best ever

bigsleep666: I still chuckle thinking about
Nightmare City, a.k.a. Zombi 3: The new report just came in from the Science Institute.
Me: Oh, is that where they film the dancing girls show?
You: Yeah, they've got good science on that show.
Robot From Future: HAHA
Robot From Future: oggling women was high science in Italy

Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper, a.k.a. The Zombie's Rage

Anthropophagus: The Grim Reaper
a.k.a. The Zombie's Rage (1980)


Director: Joe D'Amato
Beer: Fireman's 4
Game: Left4Dead 2: Swamp Fever

Summary: Merriam Webster tells me "anthropophagus" is a fancy word for "cannibal". Wikipedia tells me Anthropophagus (1980) is a pseudo-prequel to Absurd, a.k.a. Zombie 6: Monster Hunter, a.k.a. Anthropophagus 2, a.k.a. Horrible (1981), also directed by Joe D'Amato and also starring George Eastman as a silent, homicidal maniac. This silent, homicidal maniac washes upon a Greek island, where he eats everyone, including the apparently useless, yet delicious police. A group of young tourists arrive on the island where they, too, shall be eaten one by one, until the silent, homicidal maniac is pierced from behind, spilling his own guts out, which he proceeds to eat.

Fun Fact!: Anthropophagus (1980), the prequel to Zombie 6: Monster Hunter (1981), was remade as Anthropophagus 2000 (1999) by Andreas Schnaas, who, himself, directed Zombi 7 (1991).

Lessons Learned:
1. If the boat you think your wife's on is floating out to sea, but is only 50 yards away and you and your friends won't swim those 50 yards, then you and your friends hate your wife.
2. If, in the hopes that, the next day, the boat has floated back to the island, you decide to look for the boat in the catacombs, then you deserve to be eaten by the silent, homicidal maniac, because you hate your wife.
scu writes - Don't forget that his wife was also AT LEAST 8 1/2 months pregnant! Seriously... who takes their massively pregnant wife on a "walking tour" of the Greek Islands? That guy REALLY hates his wife!

Affect on Gameplay: Really, there's no proof the silent, homicidal maniac was, in fact, a zombie, despite the alternate title of The Zombie's Rage. In that sense, Anthropophagus wasn't entirely helpful in aiding gameplay, especially considering that he was slow, silent, and singular, unlike the Left4Dead zombies, who are lightning, loud, and legion. However, just as the group of young tourists could not get on the boat to safety in Anthropophagus, scu, too, could not get on the boat to safety in the fourth and final stage of Left4Dead 2: Swamp Fever: Plantation, which prompted this exchange when the rescue boat arrived:
scu: Ah! I'm down!
BigSleep666: Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm getting on the boat!

Final Analysis: BigSleep666 survived alone, playing as Ellis, rescued by the boat, piloted by a man, so Earth will not be repopulated.